March 14, 2019
5 Foundational Keys to a Thriving Marriage
By Derrick D’souza
By Derrick D’souza
In this post, I want to share with you five things that God has taught me in my marriage that has helped me understand and enjoy this beautiful covenant of love.
1/ Follow the First-Button Policy
Your personal relationship with Jesus will determine your level of joy, happiness, enjoyment and success of your marriage. Jesus needs to be at the Center of it all. My wife and I follow the First Button Policy – You need to put the first button right on your shirt, in order for the other buttons to fall in place. Similarly for everything else – marriage, finances, career, children etc to fall in place, you got to put Jesus first in your life. The Bible says in Matthew 6:33, Seek ye first the kingdom of God and its righteousness and everything else will be added unto you.
We counsel many believers who are going through problems in their marriage. And all we hear is now no one understands me, no one loves me, cannot connect anymore, always arguing, etc the list goes on and on. At the root of all these issues is a lack of receiving love from God and hence one cannot give each other what one has not first received. 1 John 4:19 says, We love because He first loved us.
2/ Don’t focus on changing each other
You get married because you love one another and not because you want to change one another. You are not called to change one another or make each other your personal project of change. You can only love and love, love and love and only loving will bring the change you desire so greatly. One may ask how much should I love and forgive, the Bible says 70 times 7. It means to accept one another with all your positives and negatives and allow only LOVE to lead the way.
Marriage is a covenant, not a contract.
5/ Your spouse is a gift from God
James 1:16 says, Do not be deceived my brother, every good and perfect gift comes from your Heavenly Father in whom there is no changing like the shifting of sands.
You must remember and learn this promise by heart. This will come very handy, especially when you end up fighting. To give you an example: I had prayed for a wife for many years and God finally bought my darling wife to me. One day emotions ran high, there was misunderstanding and I threw my hands up in the air and ran out of my house. I began to walk and talk to God and l started doing what my great, great, grandfather Adam did and that was to blame my wife, until God had to remind me that she is His gift to me!
All you couples must know what you have in your hand till death do you apart is God’s gift to you and not your reward for being a good person. So cherish each other!
My closing words for the husbands (or to-be) and wives (or to-be) are:
To Husbands, Proverbs 19:14 KJV – Wealth and inheritance come from parents but a prudent wife is from the Lord. Treasure her and love her only with all your heart.
To Wives, Proverbs 31:30 KJV – Charm is deceitful, and beauty is fleeting: but a woman that loveth JESUS is to be praised.
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