by Pastor Kim DSouza | Oct 17, 2014 | Marriage & Parenting
This guest post is by my friend Suzanne Karkada. A software engineer by profession she recently got married and resigned from her job in order to devote her full time towards her family. Suzanne loves singing and her deepest desire is to use her voice for God’s glory. She also has a powerful calling to minister to children and young mothers. You can follow her on Twitter here
The Bible says in Luke 15:7 that there is rejoicing in heaven over one lost soul who returns to Christ. As a mother, you are already entrusted with that one soul (more than one to others) and that is your very own child! In this post I want to share with you (this applies to fathers as well) four ways in which you can equip yourselves to bring up your children in a godly way:
Mother’s role in bringing up godly children.
1. Don’t neglect your preparation
Samson’s mother is a fine example of how a mother needs to prepare for her child. The angel of the Lord appeared to her and told her that she would give birth to a son who was to be a Nazarite (set apart for God) from the womb (Judges 13:5). As a Nazarite, he had to strictly follow the rules of the Jewish law. But interestingly as a mother she had to take equal efforts in abiding by the rules (Judges 13:4, 13), which she did.
Listen dear sister, you may not have an angel coming to tell you that your child is to be set apart for God’s service, rather it should be your desire that your children may be used for God’s glory. And for that, as a mother you need to set an example before your child!
Pray, intercede and fill yourself with God’s Word daily. Even for those who are pregnant, remember the child inside you breathes what you breathe and feeds on whatever you feed both physically and spiritually. So make sure your child gets the right food!
2. Satan doesn’t wait, then why must you?
You noticed how Satan does not wait till your child is older or of age to start tempting him to do the wrong things? Then why should you wait till our child gets older to teach God’s Word?
The earlier we start inculcating Godly habits into them, the better. Just as we teach our children to brush their teeth which is an essential part of our daily living, reading the Word, praying, praising, thanksgiving must also become a part of their daily routine.
I suggest read the Bible to them daily or as often as you can right from day one (& not just Psalm 23). Your child might not understand a single word of it, but by doing so you are imparting life into him.
3. Do the right things yourself
Children learn or pick up things very fast. But although they are in the learning stage, they are not in a position to tell the right from the wrong. And the best way to teach them do the right things is not by yelling at them or beating them, but by doing the right things yourself.
Remember children see, children do. See this powerful video below:
If your children see you shouting, fighting or arguing, they will soon grow with these habits. But if they see you loving, patient and self-controlled, they will also adopt these qualities. We cannot teach our children something that we are not and we cannot instill into them the things that we ourselves do not practice.
A clay pot, while moulding needs the right amount of pressure and water to turn into a beautiful and useful pot. If either of the two factors goes amiss, the pot does not come to a proper shape. Isn’t it better to do it right from the start than to reach halfway and realise that it does not have the desired shape and then break it to start all over again. And so is the case with our children- they need to be given the right training from day one.
4. Let them live in the fear of the known God
It’s a common practice especially in a country like India — we usually scare our children by making up some imaginary evil character that will come and harm them if they don’t obey. This may give you a temporary relief, but I feel it is not a right thing to do. Rather than fearing the unknown evil character, we should teach our children to fear the one true, living and Almighty God. Proverbs 1:7 says: The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.
We should teach our children to talk to God as they would to a friend. And when they mess up, they shouldn’t be scared of the unknown evil character that you made up, but rather they should be able to look to their God who loves and forgives.
Parents, what has God taught you in raising up your children? Anything you want to add?
by Pastor Kim DSouza | Sep 19, 2014 | Marriage & Parenting
Last week Derrick and I had an argument. While my husband, I feel, is the right candidate to win the ‘Most Patient Man’ tag, it doesn’t take much time for my temper to flare up. In the end, a trivial issue just got the better of us and got blown out of proportion.
When married couples fight, demons party!
At the end of the day, the Holy Spirit taught us some practical lessons on dealing with anger and it’s after effects especially in the context of marriage:
1. Short tempered? You are a fool
I find it amusing that lot of people, especially men take pride in accepting that they are short tempered. But the Bible clearly tags them as fools. A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control (Proverbs 29:11). Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools (Ecclesiastes 7:9). Why are you a fool? Because by giving room for anger you are giving the devil an inroad to attack your marriage – Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret–it leads only to evil (Psalms 37:8, Eph 4:31).
2. You are fighting yourself!
In a marriage God has made both husband and wife ONE, never forget that! Ephesians 5:31 says “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”. Earlier in the chapter Paul says in Ephesians 5:28 – He who loves his own wife loves himself.
Have you ever seen a person fight himself? We call that person insane, mad or demonized in today’s time. You get the picture? When couples fight this is the picture all heaven and angels see, not two people but one person hurting himself and finding all the ways to justify it. Believe me every demon comes to watch this crazy show.
No matter how right you or your partner feels he/she is, keeping anger and not talking is only going to suck you of your anointing and cause pain to both of you. There is no winner here only one big loser and that is you. The devil will take full advantage of this situation as he sees an open invitation to attack the believers’ mind and will bring up every possible wrong imagination, thought, occurrence of past fights to make it even more impossible to forgive.
But if you seek the Lord in this situation you will hear a still small voice saying “forgive seventy times seven” and once the act of forgiveness is initiated, you will find the peace of God surround you and angels and the Holy Spirit will once again minister to you.
3. Know when to keep quiet
As my mother-in-law always says, “When one is angry, the other should learn to keep quiet.” I buy this advice because it is coming from a woman who in her 50 years of marriage has never seen a SINGLE fight in her marriage. Sounds unbelievable, right? But her testimony has proved that it is not impossible! I think this should encourage all married couples to raise their standards in love.
A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel (Proverbs 15:18). We are often quick to justify our point, but it is more wise to keep quiet when the other is angry. Never provoke one another or back answer harshly.
4. Guard your mouth
Guard your mouth. In your anger do not pass hurtful remarks. Stick Ephesians 4:29-32 on the walls of your heart: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger and be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Also never wash your dirty linen in public. Social media has now become a platform to share everything we do or say, but never use it to belittle your spouse or share sarcastic comments or status updates. What you may do in a fit of rage, may leave deep scars on your spouse. That’s clearly not the way to deal with the situation no matter how justified you are.
5. Finally, don’t sleep without patching up
No matter how hard it may seem, do not let the day end without patching up. It is better to close the chapter that day itself than to allow your midnight to run wild meditating on what has happened or has been said. Ephesians 4:26-31 says: “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Let love lead. And love is patient, kind and not easily angered (1 Corinthians 13). Your love for each other should always be above your self ego.
As someone has rightly put: A marriage is a union of two great forgivers. Be the first to forgive. Be the first to apologize instead of giving excuses. Nothing melts an angry heart faster like a sincere apology.
How do you deal with anger in your marriage? Anything you want to add? Share with us below.
by Pastor Kim DSouza | Apr 16, 2014 | Marriage & Parenting
Recently I happened to talk to Pratibha Kinkar, who co-pastors New life Fellowship, Nerul (Navi Mumbai) alongside her husband Pastor Daniel Kinkar. Our discussion revolved around pregnancy and parenting, and in this post, I thought of sharing excerpts from our conversation, which am sure will edify young couples who are looking forward to childbirth and parenting. A mother of 3 young children who are being used by God powerfully in their area of ministry, Pratibha shared with me testimonies of God’s guidance, provision and direction over her family over the years. (It’s a long post, but worth reading every word!)
On the trend of ‘delayed’ pregnancy
I got married at a young age of 25 and within a year of my marriage I conceived. We were going through a tough phase financially but as a couple we never thought of delaying pregnancy due to our finances. We knew that the Word of God calls children as a blessing and we had faith that God would take care of us. And He did!
I feel sad to see young couples delaying pregnancy for years. They first want to ‘settle down’, buy a house or own a car before they can think of starting a family.
I would say if you have got married in your early twenties it may seem ok to wait for some time, otherwise you should not delay pregnancy. Gynecologists suggest that the 6 month period post marriage is an ideal time frame to ‘adjust’ to each other. Also medically as a woman’s age progresses, conception becomes difficult.
As couples, don’t depend on your self-efforts, rather depend on God’s grace for your children. Set an example before the world rather than following the world’s footsteps. In our time we didn’t have the knowledge and revelation of the Word of God as much as the younger generation now with media access has. How much more should you then be depending on God’s Word to sustain you?
On God’s provision
Post marriage we lived off a miniscule monthly income of Rs.1200. The house rent would wipe off half of it, plus the routine expenses were so much that by the end of the month we had no money left. We could not afford to go the doctors and so all my three deliveries were done by my mother at home. But we never depended on our salary to sustain us; our dependence was on our God. We were new believers that time and we didn’t have the knowledge of His Word like we have now, but we knew that the God we served was a living God and as His children we were His responsibility.
We also took a stand to never compromise on God’s principles. We never failed to tithe even once and we also learned to be good givers. There were times when we had little money and we would sense the Holy Spirit asking us to bless someone else with it and we would instantly obey. And this is my testimony – my Jesus took care of every SINGLE need of ours.
I remember one day we didn’t have money to buy milk for our youngest son who was a few months old at that time and he was used to having milk early in the morning when he got up. The previous night me and my husband prayed and believed God for His provision and early in the morning the doorbell rang and we had one brother handover money to us saying that God had told him to do so. I want to encourage you dear reader instead of worrying about your problems, give God a chance to show His faithfulness and you will be amazed at how He works.
We didn’t have the money to buy vitamin supplements, Cerelac boxes or ready-made diapers, but not once we grumbled or complained. Sometimes pregnant women panic so much about taking their dose of calcium and vitamins that they worry if they don’t take it something will happen to the baby. Am not against supplements, but remember your baby in the womb is sustained by the hand of God and not supplements.
When people would bless us with second hand clothes for our children, we would joyfully accept it and bless them. I have seen how first time mothers are so finicky about her children that they feel offended with this. But these are simple things in life that we learned- to be thankful in all things and be good receivers.
Also me and my husband took a stand to never ask people for money. Our trust was not in man but in our heavenly Father and God took care of us beautifully.
Pastor Daniel Kinkar with wife Pratibha Kinkar and children Sharon, Anugrah and Arpit twenty years ago and now.
On enjoying pregnancy
Pregnancy is NOT a sickness and every woman should know this well. Yes, you have to take care of yourself and your baby but don’t make pregnancy as an excuse to gain unnecessary sympathy. ‘Sickness-mentality’ can become a doorway for the devil to attack your mind and body. Remember you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you! Husbands, provide full support to your wives pre and post pregnancy and at the same time do not let your children take your focus off your ministerial calling.
On parents making children their ‘God’
Increasingly I have seen in churches when youngsters get married, they start coming late to the church, and if they get children, then that becomes an additional excuse. I remember when my children were small even though we slept late at night, I used to get up at 5:00 am on Sundays, keep all their things ready and be at church early. Throughout the service when my husband would be busy ministering, I would single-handedly manage my children, with equal focus on the Word that was being taught. We never gave children as an excuse to be late to church or to miss the service. When you lay priority on the Word of God, He takes care of everything else. And when your children see you loving your God like that, they learn to do the same.
On God’s protection over our children
I remember when my daughter was very small, we went to attend the funeral of a girl who was of my daughter’s age. In the coffin, the dress that the dead girl was wearing was similar to what my daughter had. At that moment tremendous fear entered my heart. I would see my daughter in the coffin all the time. When my husband and I would go out for ministry leaving our children alone and I would weep for hours worrying about my daughter’s safety. Then one day God spoke to me. We were on a two wheeler traveling on a deserted and dangerous road, when God opened my spiritual eyes and I could see a huge angel keeping guard over us. God reminded me that He is the one who has brought my children into this world and He will take care of them. And in an instant that fear was gone!
I want to tell you parents, you can in your human efforts safeguard your children only to an extent, but beyond that point you got to entrust them into the hands of your Heavenly Father. As good stewards we need to sow into their lives the principles of the Word of God and the Word of God will never let them fall.
What are your views about this post? Anything you want to add or get clarified? Do drop in your views in the comment section below.
by Pastor Kim DSouza | Dec 6, 2013 | Marriage & Parenting
Marriage is a beautiful covenant ordained by God. Sadly the world presents a distorted view of it.
May be some of you have reached a point in your marriage where you are wondering, “What’s there in it for me?”
Recently I came across the below video on the net. It tells the story of Bill and Glad who have spent 50 years of togetherness as a couple. Glad was diagnosed with dementia eight years ago, and that’s when Bill could have easily asked the question, “What’s there in it for me?”
But here is what he did:
Video Courtesy: cvcnow
The video received an overwhelming response and Bill, when interviewed later by
60 Minutes Australia had this to say:
True, as Bill says, the basis of marriage is selfless love. And this kind of selfless love can only come by knowing the selfless God.
If you have not already, then decide to make Jesus the centre of your marriage and His love will sweep over every mountain that you may be encountering today.
If you have a prayer need concerning your marriage or if you are looking for a soul mate, send in your prayer request to us at [email protected], and we would love to pray with you.
